For Cheyenne

Flooded by memories the tears begin to flow increasing the depth of pain that I must wade. Like lightning illuminating the sky, flashes of shared times lead me to the shore. Exhausted from the fight to keep from drowning in the pool of sadness that formed, I fall to the ground searching for peace as I drift to sleep. I wake up pretending to not remember the news I received, praying that it was all a dream. Getting up to face the day, I try to remember more tears will only chase you away. Walking outside I see that it's your smile that brightens the day.

Dreamin

I Dreamt of you again, each one always around the same time; early morning, perhaps your just awakening thinking of me, praying for me, picturing me lying next to you, recalling good morning greetings, as I have done. Seems like you never existed, then the memories live, breathing life into you, your heart beating to each moment you're remembered. I touched you, kissed you, I know you are real. Will we ever say goodbye? Each have had a turn running from the other. Must we continue unfinished?

Thoughts I Want To Share

Floating with the clouds, I look down at the earth knowing that everything I want is laying there waiting for me to claim it. So close my fingertips brush it, far enough away that I can't grasp it. I don't get my way, my frustration, anger and disappointment create the recipe for a storm. Lightning, thunder, strong winds and I drop to the ground with the rain. My view isn't as clear and I revert to earthly ways, full of fear. The sun peeks through and whispers that's not who you are or who you want to be. The warmth from the rays reach out to me and I regain the strength to keep striving towards my goal. To be who God has chosen me to be. Trapped inside beating on my enclosure to be released, screaming, why can't I be me? Everyday I go on following the same routine, waiting to be free.

A Mistake

A mistake is how I am described. That's good, little by little the Lord is opening my eyes. You are not interested in the way that I shine, so you throw me away for the sparkle of another kind. Left on the ground for another to find, you move to the next thing that caught your eye, then you see that I am what you and others search for, a rare Jewell comparable to none, the mistake was made in throwing me away.

Renewed

Can you look at me through eyes renewed?, Will you touch me with a different view?, Do you want to show me what Love can do?

Unashamed

Show your beauty unashamed

Wildflower it's time to bloom

Growth is the name of life

The pain your soil, the tears your water

Wildflower it's time to bloom

Spread your petals, sharing your smile

The pain your soil, the tears your water

Right back at the sun you shine

Spread your petals, sharing your smile

Others are envious, you have what they think they want

Right back at the sun you shine

The soil uncomfortable, the water salty

Others are envious, you have what they think they want

Growth is the name of life

The soil uncomfortable, the water salty

Show your beauty unashamed

Let's Go To Paradise

Warning ~ Only For The Grown And Sexy

Sweep me away with the strength of your arms, lead me to destinations I've never been, rub my softness while you kiss my neck starting the warmth you'll envelop yourself in; I'll caress you feeling you grow hard, take your hand and feel my body while I kiss your lips and taste your desire, let your tongue play on my nipples then suck them, making me moan, lift my hips and position your dick over my clit, gently grind then slide inside; I'll wrap my legs around you, grab my soft ass firmly and move in and out; the anticipation of each motion making our hearts beat a little faster, knowing that the feeling will improve and exceed the one before, spiraling us to the stars, where we slowly come down, landing gently in paradise. Our explorations there will keep us occupied. Take my hand and walk with me together let's go

I Heard God Speak

July 24, 2006 my daughter Faith's 1st birthday, we set out for a day at the beach. We took a wrong turn and came upon a beach that looked nice and decided to stay anyway. We changed into our suits, got our beach tags, and walked to an open spot and spread our things out. My brother Sterling,two of my sons Dayequan and Troy went straight into the water. I had laid down to enjoy the warmth of the sun but got up when my daughter Serenity came back from the water, as we were talking I heard the lifeguard blow her whistle. Looking up I saw all the kids so dismissed the sound until I heard the sound becoming adamant. I looked up and the lifeguard was standing on the podium and pointing, looking in that direction I saw the boys getting close to the jetty but noticed their father close and figured that he would get after them. Turning back to play with Faith and Serenity but hearing the whistle again I looked up and saw the lifeguard in the water with her buoy and my heart began to beat a little stronger. I stood up to have a better view and saw MY son's head bob up and down next to the rocks. I saw his father trying to reach him and then the waves throw him into the rocks. Troy's head bobbed up and down again and I wanted to go to him but hesitant to leave the baby on the beach I paused. Then I heard God clearly say You go get your son, they won't be able to find him. I calmly said to Serenity, watch Faith for me I'll be right back. Ok I'll watch her, she responded. Knowing she would do just that I took off running down the beach and leaped the water like hurdles until I got caught by a wave and went down. When I reached the place where I had last seen Troy I looked around and saw no sign of him, I saw the lifeguard waving her arms and yelling frantically Where Is He, Where Is He? I began to Say Lord Help Me, Help Me Find My Son. Allowing him to lead me without question I began to climb the rocks and fell. Getting back up I kept going, the waves were coming stronger and knocked me down, determined I called on my God again, Lord help me find my son, while getting up. A few more steps and a huge wave smacked the glasses off my face and I was knocked down again. Refusing to let my son drown I stood up again and despite the loss of my glasses I saw clearly my son's arm rise above the water and I swear I could hear him calling out for help. Without hesitation I jumped off the rocks in his direction and reached for him expecting to lay hands on his body and shocked to feel nothing but the water. Earnestly I looked for him, I knew he was near. I prayed, God Please! A wave came and I saw Troy's leg floating, quickly I grabbed it and pulled him up out of the water. He was lifeless. I threw him on my shoulder as if he were a newborn baby, looking to the heaven I squeezed him tightly to get some water out, and hopefully get some air in and thanked God for leading me to him. Knowing Troy needed more help than I could provide, I turned around to go back to the shore and was met by two lifeguakrds who said Mamm, please let us have him. I handed him over and began yelling to God, You save my son, You save my son! I felt extreme thankfulness but could only yell my command at that moment. I got back to the shore and Dayequan was hysterical and wanted to come and see how his brother was doing some people that were holding him back asked if he could come over and I yelled yes but saw how distraught he was and yelled back only if he is calm. Sterling came instead and knelt down next to us. The lifeguards did not have a pulse but began CPR, I began to rub his leg and call to him Troy come on you can do it, come on Troy. The crowd that had gathered around picked up his name and began to root for him as well. After the first round they got a light pulse, continuing the CPR some foam came out of his nose but still he was not breathing, picking the CPR back up, more foam came from his nose and some from his mouth and Troy took a breath on his own and began to cough. Then he began a low moan that slowly turned into a yell, as if he were picking up where he left off crying for help. The beach erupted in cheers and clapping. I heard the lifeguard say oh my God mam are you ok? Confused I looked at him like what? He pointed to my leg then I looked down to see my legs covered in blood, but I didn't feel anything. Brushing it off I looked to make sure Troy was still breathing. After the lifeguards had strapped him to the board to carry him to the ambulance I allowed the lifeguard to take me to the side and patch me up a little. After the bandaging I went to check on my other children and found that people on the beach had stepped up and watched over Dayequan, Serenity, Devin, and Faith. I asked a young lady with Faith if she minded watching her for a little longer and started looking to see where Troy had been taken. A police officer walked up to me and asked was I the boy's mother and I answered yes, where did they take him? He said, to the ambulance up there. I told the officer that I had lost my glasses and could not see so he led me to the ambulance. On the ride to the hospital Troy was non responsive to touch or voice but I knew that he was through the worst part of it and was not worried. I felt so thankful for the mercy that God had shown to me and my family doubt that he was not going to recover never had the chance to enter in. The lifeguards estimated that Troy had been under the water from 3 to 5 minuets. The doctors were worried but I was not. They wanted to keep him for 3 to 4 days. We were discharged after 24 hours and my son walked out of the hospital on his own.

I'd like to express my Extreme Gratitude to the lifeguards on duty in the Borough of Spring Lake, NJ

ALYISSA DETALO- First in the water

ADAM SEXTON

SHIELA IRVING- CPR

JAMES WLADCH- CPR Assist

THANK YOU FOR HELPING TO SAVE MY SON'S LIFE!

I found this going through some papers and wanted to share this testament to God's Grace.

Troy drew this when he returned to daycare. If you look close you will see three figures under the water. I asked him if the middle one was an angel. His answer was no but he had no answer as to who the third figure was.

The words say:
On Monday I went to the Beach and I almost drowned and my mom saved me.

This is a drawing of the jetty. Where I climbed is the second level of rocks on the jetty. I climbed up from the right side, the arrow points to where I was knocked down repeatly and lost my glasses.

Dreams Of A Queen

In my dreams is where you stay, Next to you I want to lay, Eyes opening I know your not there. Spending time daydreaming about What Could Be, Praying that you can see I am the Queen you desire. Out of order for me to approach the King for he must know and want to fulfill his need. Until I receive the call to join him and receive a new crown, I wait and prepare to share his thrown. When the time arrives diamonds won't be needed adorn me in Amethysts and Sapphires, Jewels for this Jewell, and you can call me that when I dance for you. Allow me to satisfy your physical needs I'll help you reach your mental peak. Guide me around the kingdom we rule I'll show your people I have class and raise a school to teach and educate the youth what's true and that they are royalty too. I know what I feel and can't doubt what God has shown me, he's taught me to Love a King I've found worthy, who said he's not afraid but he keeps running, got me thinking he's willing to leave me behind. I can catch you I'm fast but I'm a sprinter, keep running and you'll find the loss was more than the cost. I won’t cheat you my treasure is not shared. I'll say it again cause I think you missed it. I'm not sure your willing to pay what it costs and I'm not talking dollars I'm Costley. To offset what’s paid, I come with a dowry, a wealth of intelligence and gifts to assist you and strength to hold you in my arms when your tired and feeling weak, my kisses filled with passion will cover your face, neck, chest and most private place. I'll massage away the daily strain, let you play with my charms until your drained. Sleep now my king when your with me there’s peace.

What Could Be

The King has found his Queen, only fear keeps us from claiming the crowns. I would care for your children no differently than my own, as you would care for mine. You would take care of us, teach us, show us love, help us grow, the pastor of our home. I think that we are both afraid to put that out there cause we are lovers walking thin lines on the strings we say arn't attached. Can I see myself caring for u the way a woman should...yes. Can I see you caring for me the way a man can...yes. Cooking for and with each other sharing the load of day to day activities. Building successful business', traveling the world, spending days showing our babies different things, closing our nights with passionate kisses and embraces. We could have all God promises to us, only fear keeps us from claiming them. What makes this conversation to deep?, when we both like to swim. A discussion doesn't mean that action has to be taken but possibly if the words are spoken out loud and acknowledged as truth than we might feel compelled to make it happen. You need not worry cause fear will keep us from doing anything that's talked about. Love cannot abide where fear resides.

Sonnet

Honey I called him with desire to taste the sweetness that flowed from his lips,
Loving expressions lifting me high above the tree tops.
Watching me with adoring eyes he spoke,
This is one of the best days of my existence,
Asking naught more from me than my presence.
He is capable of pleasing me but he will not.
The wise man I thought him to be plays hide and seek,
Chasing him makes me weak.
The seeds have grown they boast some strength of their own.
He cannot swim consequently in my love he drowned.
Through memories I live pretending my imaginings can sustain my breath,
Our plan cast off for one better suiting him,
As fall approached accordingly came our death.
On the silk pillow we lay, crippled from our play.

Prayer

Good Morning Lord, I Love you Lord. I Thank you Lord, for loving me and keeping safe guiding me through my own self destruction. I isolated myself went alone to the wilderness to test my strength or so I thought or like to tell it that way. You have been faithful and never left me. I have neglected you and I apologize. I’m running to catch up and walk by your side, instead of too many steps behind. Father, I lay at your feet everything that is not of you. Take it and complete my healing. The blessings you have given me in the form of my children are blossoming but there is one missing and I need him back home. You have said no and denied me so that I may grow and come to know that everything comes in its own time. Speak to all that are suffering and ease the hurt. Show all who you are, and that you are in control even when you have said no to your beloved. Holy Spirit you are welcome in my home. Make a place here; get comfortable, I don’t want you to leave. Bring the peace that is just out of reach. Father I am here singing to you, I give you all the praise and will continue to tell you, cry out to you. I know things will move and will push these impossible situations with the sound of my voice and the strength of my prayers. There is not one weapon formed against me that will prosper! Thank you for the surety of your word!