Yesterday I was very irritated with some things going on in my life. Struggle, Hurt, Pain, Fear these things are definitely not new to me. There are times I feel as though I will never be free of those things; like they will forever hold me captive. I then begin to think all the things God has placed inside of me, the gifts, his trust, and his belief that I can achieve all that he desires from me. I recognize that all I have been through was training and preparation for this time in my life right now. I was made for such a time as this!! In the thick of my funky mood I opened a journal I keep, that's more like a multitask notebook than journal; out fell a folded letter from a dear friend who is now past, that I have been saving for over 17 years. I felt ridiculous that I had been stewing all day over things God has already brought me through!! Reading the letter tears welled up in my eyes and I felt ashamed that I have been the only thing holding myself back. Remembering the friendship and support that we shared I felt empowered to begin again today brand new with a better outlook, sense of self and belief in my abilities to accomplish and achieve anything. With renewed energy I am attacking my goals determined to not be broken down or held back from the very things seeking to destroy my power, take away my gifts, devour my soul and swallow me into nothingness.
Zipporah I have so much Love for you and I thank you for being prolific and translating the things God shared with you about me to me. Well ahead of your time, I couldn't grasp the enormity of your words, support and strength then but I understand now and I'm so grateful!! I MISS YOU TREMENDOUSLY!! I'm almost there!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2IfoTTbCRM
Zipporah wrote this and gave it to me about 4 years before she was murdered. She would often say she was going to die young and that she would miss me. I would always tell her to stop talking like that. That she had many years left and that we would be friends even when we were grown. Despite her prediction or intuition she never allowed that or any other struggle she was going through keep her spirit down. It was very rare that I saw her troubled, and without a smile on her face. I can still see her beautiful smile.
Her letter says:
Think of you as my sister. I never told you that I thought of you that way because you already had 4 sisters and two best friends, so I thought you already had enough. Ricky and Tony said you were my only friend and to me you are my only real friend I can talk to and trust and I thank you for being a friend. And if you need anything just ask and I'll do what I can for you. I rally do love you like a sister. I will miss you when I'm gone.
Love me not you (sike)
Zipporah
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