Sunday, March 13, 2011

Preface June 6, 1993

The times I have sat down to type or write the testimony I am about to share with you are countless. I have decided today that I will break free from the bond that has held me captive for 18 years come June.

When your young, in elementary school you don't envision your high school years enveloped in tragedy. There is not a detailed view in your mind about the years to come but you know you can't wait to be a teenager, and high school is gonna be so good!! Your almost an adult and can get out of your parents authority and make your own rules and yeah all those pre-growth thoughts. I had all those plus visions of glory dominating the Track in the Olympics. Shoot there wasn't a boy around that could beat me in a race.

In middle school I found out that the local track team practiced at the very high school our bus stopped at to pick up the older kids before dropping everyone at off at home. Without thinking about asking permission or having a definite way home every day after practice or money for that matter I got off the bus and hung around at the high school until the team gathered for practice and joined the team. Running Track was everything to me, I consistently stayed in 1st place. I lived and breathed to set foot on the Olympic Track.

When I reached the time of those imagined years of high school, I was at the top of my sport, no one could tell me that I was not going to reach my ultimate goal. At the close of 11th grade, I won 1st place at the regional track meet. I was on top of the world with scholarships on the table and the state track meet only days away on June 6, 1993 around 1am I found myself lying on the side of the road with a gaping wound on my left leg. It didn't immediately register to me that My Dreams and Aspirations were not going to be fulfilled, that my life was forever changed.


The Car Accident I was involved in affected more than me. My Family, Friends, Community and 4 different high schools were rocked when this tragedy happened. Coverage of this incident was covered by the news stations all channels and all the major newspapers Following are Two articles from @baltimoresun, following the accident. I will post news clips and articles as I find them. We all know that the media does not portray the truth as it is but how it will sell. In the next few days I will be pouring out my story, please follow my blog to learn the truth as it really happened.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=105566&id=520843747


THE WRONG DECISIONS Teen survivors describe night of partying that killed 3:[FINAL Edition]
Frank Langfitt and Darren M. Allen. The Sun. Baltimore, Md.:Jun 20, 1993. p. 1B
Abstract (Summary)

The teen-agers headed up Route 27 toward the Putt N Fun, a Mount Airy arcade that held weekend dances. Along the way, [Missy Costley] switched from the back seat to the front and noticed that the steering column had a hole in it. [Donny Simms] and [Tony Liason], she says, used a pair of needle-nose pliers as an ignition key.

Then she remembered a cousin who lives in Randallstown. They turned east on Liberty Road toward Baltimore County. Tony and Donny had traded off driving, depending on who was sober. Donny was now at the wheel, Missy said.

The next morning, Donny and his cousins Tony and [Danny Barnes], who both attend Gaithersburg High School, were taken to a juvenile bail hearing in leg irons. Tony and Danny had been treated at a hospital for extensive leg and head injuries. They came in on crutches. Donny, who also had been treated for leg injuries, could barely walk, said two people at the hearing.

Full Text (2293 words)
(Copyright 1993 @ The Baltimore Sun Company)

SEE HARD COPY FOR MAP

In the final minutes before the crash, the friends argued about what to do.

They were eight teen-agers -- a brother and a sister, cousins and best friends -- speeding through Carroll County at up to 110 mph in a stolen car. They had been drinking much of the night. Two state troopers were behind them.

"Just stop, just stop," yelled Donna Simms to her brother Donny, who was at the wheel.

"Shut up, just shut up," Donny, 16, said.

"Go, just go," said their 17-year-old cousin Anthony Antonio "Tony" Liason. "You got it."

He didn't.

Before Donny could find a spot to pull off Liberty Road, the car swerved and flipped, and six of the eight teen-agers tumbled out. After the sounds of crunching metal and shattering glass had faded into the night, three of the teen-agers, including 15-year-old Donna Simms, lay dead. Dink Diggs and Christopher Norris, best friends for all of their 15 years, also died.

Chris' cousin Melissa "Missy" Costley lay on the shoulder with a broken leg. Her sister Angela Nichole "Nikki" Costley lay on the other side of the road, screaming, with a dislocated hip and road burns.

Donny, who did not have a driver's license, faces charges of drunken driving and three counts of automobile manslaughter. He and his cousins Tony Liason and Danny Barnes also face charges of auto theft and possession of alcohol.

The teen-agers died two weeks ago today.

The night could have ended much differently, but the kids made all the wrong decisions. They crammed into a car, got a case of malt liquor and lost control on a dark empty road.

"What were they thinking?" said Soloman Lynch, after his friend Chris' funeral.

The episode began Friday, June 4, in a Maryland Rail Commuter lot in Gaithersburg. Helen L. Martin, who works for a Washington insurance company, parked her 1991 Toyota Corolla there that morning. When she returned in the afternoon, all that remained was shattered glass.

The next evening, Donny Simms and Tony Liason arrived in a car at the Gaithersburg home of their friends Missy and Nikki Costley.

The sisters are the only survivors of the crash not charged with crimes, and the only ones willing to talk about the accident. Tony's and Danny's attorneys, Joseph E. Stolz Jr. and Alan Katz, both of Gaithersburg, said the boys' families had no comment on the accident. William T. Wood of Rockville, Donny's attorney, declined to talk about the accident, as did Donny's father, Arthur. `Whose car is this?'

In an account that closely matches initial accident reports by state police, Missy and Nikki described what happened that Saturday night:

Donny and Tony planned to drive the girls to a dance in Mount Airy. When their mother, Bonnie, saw the car, she wondered whose it was. She was told that it belonged to Tony's girlfriend.

The teen-agers headed up Route 27 toward the Putt N Fun, a Mount Airy arcade that held weekend dances. Along the way, Missy switched from the back seat to the front and noticed that the steering column had a hole in it. Donny and Tony, she says, used a pair of needle-nose pliers as an ignition key.

"We were like, `Whose car is this?' " Missy said.

"Don't worry. Don't worry," she recalled Tony saying.

Dink and Chris had spent that Saturday afternoon as they often did, riding dirt bikes with Dink's father in Carroll County. In the evening, they walked to the Putt N Fun. The group met sometime after the dance started at 8 p.m. Mixed feelings

Dink and Chris had spent nearly every weekend of the past year at Putt N Fun. The arcade-cum-indoor miniature golf course is a magnet for students from South Carroll High, where Dink, Donna and Donny went to school.

Parents have mixed feelings about the place. In March, 25 police officers broke up a fight in the arcade's parking lot involving a mob of about 75 people.

Only 20 or so teen-agers went to the dance that Saturday. No more than a half-dozen danced at any time to the rap, reggae, and rhythm and blues tunes. The most excitement came when Nikki and Donna got into a fistfight with two girls who Nikki said had mouthed off to them.

During the night, the teen-agers and other friends went into the woods nearby to drink 40-ounce bottles of St. Ides malt liquor. Missy and Nikki said they did not know where their friends had obtained the alcohol. Police have not arrested anybody for buying the teen-agers alcohol, but say they have narrowed the search to one person. Sneaking out

Around 11 p.m., most of the group of friends piled into the Toyota and headed for the Mount Airy home of Chris, Missy and Nikki's grandmother. There, the sisters picked up their 4-month-old brother, L. J.

Chris, described by some as a relatively straight-laced boy, stayed in the car.

"He had been drinking, and he was scared that my grandmother would find out," Missy said.

The friends dropped Missy, Nikki and L. J. back home in Gaithersburg. Mrs. Costley said she discovered Nikki had been drinking, lectured her and sent her to bed.

Nikki put on her night clothes and carried a pillow and blanket down to the basement to watch TV with Missy. There, Nikki changed into street clothes. The sisters turned up the TV volume, locked Missy's bedroom door from the inside, then climbed out of a window.

Their friends were waiting in the Toyota. They headed back to Putt N Fun, where they had planned to meet Dink and other friends to continue partying. When they arrived around 12:45 a.m., the parking lot was deserted.

They left, then found Dink in his bedroom, with the light out and curtains drawn. He told them everyone had grown tired of waiting and left. Chris asked him to come out driving with them, but Dink hesitated.

Dink said he thought there wasn't enough room in the car, but Chris convinced him he could fit, Missy said. Dink put on his shirt and shoes. Childhood friends

When people talk of Chris and Dink, the word they use most often is inseparable. As next-door neighbors in Mount Airy, they had a classic boyhood friendship cemented during hours playing baseball and basketball in Dink's back yard.

Dink was a headstrong, caring boy, said his father, William. He had played running back for the South Carroll junior varsity football team last year, until he quit for personal reasons.

Both boys worked after school. Chris mowed lawns. Dink loaded merchandise into customers' cars at the Hechinger Co. in Gaithersburg.

Dink had known Chris' cousins, Missy and Nikki, since they were little. The Simmses, who went to church with Chris' family in Mount Airy, regularly attended the family's cookouts.

As the teen-agers left Dink's house that Sunday morning, it was nearly 1 a.m., but they had nowhere to go. They headed to a nearby park, but Donny said they couldn't stay long because police patrolled there often.

They drove toward a girl's house near Westminster looking for a party. No one was home. About 80 mph

They stopped for gas and food. Donna bought nachos, and Nikki bought some gum and a honey bun. "We didn't know where to go," Missy said.

Then she remembered a cousin who lives in Randallstown. They turned east on Liberty Road toward Baltimore County. Tony and Donny had traded off driving, depending on who was sober. Donny was now at the wheel, Missy said.

After the accident, state police Tfc. Dennis M. Hooper noticed that Donny's breath "smelled strongly of alcohol."

The Toyota was going about 80 mph when the teen-agers sped past the first state police cruiser, Missy said. Trooper Hooper, heading in the opposite direction, turned his cruiser around.

Donny kept going. The cruiser followed, the Costley sisters said.

"He would catch up and fall back," Missy said. Soon, the Toyota pulled away.

Trooper Hooper had radioed ahead to Cpl. Andy Anders, who also was patrolling in the area. Before the teen-agers could relax, they sped past Corporal Anders.

Missy said the second car turned around, its roof lights flashing, and chased them.

Missy, who was on Tony's lap in the front passenger seat, said the patrol car drew so close that its headlights shone brightly through the back window.

Trooper Hooper said Friday that neither he nor Corporal Anders activated their roof lights, and that the officers did not get close to the speeding Toyota. Running scared

The Toyota was now doing 110 mph, a speed confirmed by police. Donny was scared. The teen-agers argued.

"They're going to catch us," Missy warned.

Donny began looking for a road to turn in so they could leave the car and run, but there weren't many places to go. That section of Liberty Road runs through countryside, bordered by shallow shoulders and woods. There are few side roads.

Nikki was on Donna's and Dink's laps in the back seat, sleeping off the malt liquor. She awoke and saw the car was weaving back and forth along the roadway. Missy balled her hands into fists in front of her, closed her mouth to protect her teeth and waited.

"After that, it's hazy," she said.

Trooper Hooper said the car crossed onto the westbound shoulder, then weaved back toward the eastbound guardrail. As it hit the rail, Tony and Missy were thrown out.

The car skidded out of control and flipped over. As it headed into the westbound lane, four more people were thrown out, Trooper Hooper's report said.

About this time, Katherine Lee was traveling west across Liberty Reservoir, driving home from her part-time waitress job.

As she crossed the bridge, she saw a state police car approaching in the oncoming lane. She said she turned off her high beams, and the patrol car turned on its roof lights.

Then she hit the wreck, she said.

The right tire of her 1988 Ford Tempo blew, the wheel rim scraped against the asphalt and the car weaved along the roadway, she said.

"I felt like I hit an iceberg," she said, describing the sound of metal hitting metal. "I could just hear my car falling apart."

Ms. Lee's car came to rest on the right side of the road, clear of the wrecked Toyota.

Missy awoke on the road's shoulder, her head and arms resting on Tony's right leg. Tony was unconscious, but breathing. She saw Donny pull Danny from the car and the lights from the arriving ambulances.

Donny checked on Missy and her sister and then found Donna.

"Look at my sister," he told one of the paramedics. "She's bleeding. Help my sister." Burying the dead

The next morning, Donny and his cousins Tony and Danny, who both attend Gaithersburg High School, were taken to a juvenile bail hearing in leg irons. Tony and Danny had been treated at a hospital for extensive leg and head injuries. They came in on crutches. Donny, who also had been treated for leg injuries, could barely walk, said two people at the hearing.

Carroll juvenile Master Peter M. Tabatsko refused to set bond. He ordered Tony and Donny held at the Charles H. Hickey Jr. School in Cub Hill. Danny was released in his parents' custody and placed on electronically monitored home detention.

Carroll State's Attorney Thomas E. Hickman wants to charge Donny as an adult.

Donny's attorney, Mr. Wood, will seek bail for Donny so he can remain free while he waits to see whether his case goes to Carroll Circuit Court, a process that may take two months.

None of the three boys is believed to have a criminal record, attorneys said.

"These are not throwaway kids," said Mr. Stolz, Tony's attorney. "{Tony} comes from an intact, hard-working family. He comes across as a good kid. He's never been arrested or charged with any criminal offense."

Two days after the bail hearing, friends and relatives began burying the three teen-agers. The funerals were separate, but the mourners were often the same.

The teen-agers had been neighbors, cousins, fellow parishioners and friends.

"I've never seen a group that close," said Tina Brown, Christopher's mother.

More than 300 mourners -- many of them teens dressed in shorts and wearing Chicago White Sox caps -- gathered at a Frederick funeral home June 10 to celebrate Dink's short life. Dink's lifeless body -- his head adorned with a White Sox cap -- lay in a walnut coffin.

For the Rev. Edward A. Conaway, the message was clear.

"Open your eyes so you can see," he said, his voice rising above the tears and amens from the pews. "You're all kids, and you've lost one of your best and closest friends. I can't preach to brother Dink now, but I say to you young ones here, turn your lives around."

`I hope they learn'

Missy Costley was a stand-out sprinter at Gaithersburg High School, where she ran the 100 meter -- in 12.2 seconds.

A confident, articulate girl, she now watches television from a hide-a-bed with a cast on her left leg.

Doctors said it will be six to eight months before she runs again.

"It's hard to lose our best friends," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "It's hard to think Donna won't call anymore.

"A lot of my friends at Gaithersburg drink a lot. I hope they learn from us."

[Illustration]
COLOR PHOTO PHOTO 1 PHOTO 2 PHOTO 3 PHOTO 4 MAP; Caption: Friends stand outside the funeral of crash victim Donna Simms. Dink Diggs Donna Simms Christopher Norris Donny Simms faces charges in the fatal crash. SITE OF FATAL ACCIDENT; Credit: BY STEPHANIE SECREST JEF DAUBER/STAFF GRAPHIC

Indexing (document details)
People: Diggs, Dink, Liason, Tony, Simms, Donny, Costley, Nikki, Costley, Missy
Companies: Toyota Ltd
Author(s): Frank Langfitt and Darren M. Allen
Section: METRO
Publication title: The Sun. Baltimore, Md.: Jun 20, 1993. pg. 1.B
Source type: Newspaper
ISSN: 19308965
ProQuest document ID: 112470291
Text Word Count 2293
Document URL: http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=112470291&Fmt=3&clientId=75553&RQT=309&VName=PQD


3 teens killed, 5 hurt in crash at high speed Driver unlicensed, car stolen, alcohol involved, police say:[FINAL Edition]
Darren M. Allen and Arthur Hirsch. The Sun. Baltimore, Md.:Jun 7, 1993. p. 1B
Abstract (Summary)

Pronounced dead at the scene were South Carroll High School freshmen Dink Diggs, of the 1400 block of E. Ridgeville Blvd. in Mount Airy, and Donna M. Simms, of the 6900 block of Runkles Road in Mount Airy; and Christopher Norris, of the 1300 block of Henryton Road in Marriottsville. Authorities said they had not determined where the Norris youth went to school.

Sergeant [Gregory M. Shipley] said no alcohol was found at yesterday's accident scene, but Mr. [Thomas E. Hickman] said one of his investigators learned that the group of eight friends had been drinking in a field near a Mount Airy miniature golf course.

According to information from Sergeant Shipley and Mr. Hickman, Tfc. Dennis Hooper of the state police was on patrol, traveling west on Liberty Road near Berkley Road in Eldersburg, when he saw the Toyota speeding east. Trooper Hooper turned his patrol car around, but the Toyota was out of sight.

Full Text (1056 words)
(Copyright 1993 @ The Baltimore Sun Company)

Three teen-agers were killed and five others injured early yesterday when a stolen car, driven up to 110 mph by an unlicensed driver, crashed near a bridge over Liberty Reservoir in Carroll County, state police said.

The 1991 Toyota Corolla, reported stolen from Gaithersburg on Friday, was traveling east on Liberty Road when the 16-year-old driver lost control at 1:47 a.m. yesterday, said 1st Sgt. Gregory M. Shipley, a state police spokesman.

He said six of the Corolla's eight occupants -- none older than 17 -- were thrown from the car as it spun out of control, slid backward into a guardrail, flipped and came to rest on its roof in the westbound lane near a bridge two miles west of the Carroll-Baltimore County line.

Three 15-year-old high school students were killed instantly in the alcohol-related wreck, Sergeant Shipley said.

Pronounced dead at the scene were South Carroll High School freshmen Dink Diggs, of the 1400 block of E. Ridgeville Blvd. in Mount Airy, and Donna M. Simms, of the 6900 block of Runkles Road in Mount Airy; and Christopher Norris, of the 1300 block of Henryton Road in Marriottsville. Authorities said they had not determined where the Norris youth went to school.

Two 15-year-old sisters from Gaithersburg were seriously injured in the accident. Melissa D. Costley and Angela N. Costley, of the 1200 block of Knoll Lane, were listed in fair condition last night at the Maryland Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore.

State police charged the unlicensed driver of the car, a 16-year-old from Mount Airy, as a juvenile with three counts of homicide by automobile while intoxicated, plus auto theft, drunken driving, speeding, reckless driving and driving without a license. He suffered minor head injuries and was to be taken to the Charles H. Hickey School in Parkville after his release from Carroll County General Hospital, police said.

The two other survivors, Gaithersburg youths ages 16 and 17, were charged as juveniles with auto theft and possession of alcohol. They were being held last night at the Hickey School, Sergeant Shipley said. They were treated for minor injuries at Carroll County General Hospital and Baltimore County General Hospital, respectively.

Police would not divulge the names of the three youths who were charged.

Carroll State's Attorney Thomas E. Hickman said last night that he intends to charge the driver as an adult and will ask a Circuit Court judge to move the proceedings from juvenile to adult court this week.

"This is the second-worst drunk driving case I've ever seen," Mr. Hickman said.

The worst, he said, was an accident on Christmas 1981, in which a drunken driver smashed into a car full of people on their way to church. Five of the car's occupants were killed instantly.

Sergeant Shipley said no alcohol was found at yesterday's accident scene, but Mr. Hickman said one of his investigators learned that the group of eight friends had been drinking in a field near a Mount Airy miniature golf course.

The youths were at the Putt N Fun on Main Street Saturday night when they apparently drank alcohol before heading to another friend's house, Mr. Hickman said.

The prosecutor and state police said they did not know how many in the group were drinking or who provided the youths with alcohol.

According to information from Sergeant Shipley and Mr. Hickman, Tfc. Dennis Hooper of the state police was on patrol, traveling west on Liberty Road near Berkley Road in Eldersburg, when he saw the Toyota speeding east. Trooper Hooper turned his patrol car around, but the Toyota was out of sight.

He radioed Cpl. Andy Anders, who was on patrol along Liberty Road about a mile east, to look for the speeding car. About the time Corporal Anders received the call, the Toyota sped past him.

Neither trooper activated his siren or began to chase the car, police said.

The Toyota, reaching speeds estimated at close to 110 miles an hour, continued east until it swerved into the westbound lane as it approached the first of two bridges across Liberty Reservoir, investigators said.

The car spun, slid backward into a guardrail beside the eastbound lane, and flipped upside down into the westbound lane where it was struck by a westbound 1988 Ford driven by a Sykesville woman, Sergeant Shipley said.

The speed limit along that stretch of Liberty Road varies between 40 mph and 55 mph, police said.

The Ford's driver, Katherine A. Illari, 33, of the 6300 block of Old Washington Road, declined treatment at the scene. Police said she was not charged, and that the crash between the Ford and the Toyota caused "medium damage" to Ms. Illari's car but produced no additional injuries.

Ambulances from the Sykesville, Gamber, Liberty Road and Randallstown stations, and fire engines from Sykesville and Liberty Road were sent to the accident scene.

Brett Pearce, a Sykesville-Freedom District Fire Department firefighter and emergency medical technician, described the accident scene as "a total mess, several people laying around."

He said the road was littered by "grass, dirt, parts of the car."

William E. Diggs, Dink's father, said yesterday that his son and Christopher Norris were "best buddies."

"They did everything together, they were always close," he said, fighting back tears during a telephone interview. "He {Dink} was a son that anybody and everybody would be proud to have."

Mr. Diggs said his son was a sports fanatic, especially about football and basketball. He wanted someday to earn a scholarship so he could attend college, Mr. Diggs said.

South Carroll High School principal David T. Booz learned of the accident early yesterday.

"You get real attached to your students, and when anything happens to them, it hits you in a personal way," he said.

He described both of his students who were killed as friendly and outgoing. He said Dink Diggs was a running back on the freshman football team and Donna Simms was an enthusiastic student.

Mr. Booz said a team of crisis counselors would be available for South Carroll students today.

A woman who answered the phone at Donna Simms' home yesterday said the family did not want to talk to a reporter.

Christopher Norris' family could not be reached.

[Illustration]
PHOTO; Caption: The wreck occurred here, about 100 yards east of the Route 26 bridge over Liberty Reservoir.; Credit: DENNIS DRENNER

Indexing (document details)
People: Shipley, Gregory M, Diggs, Dink, Simms, Donna M, Norris, Christopher, Hickman, Thomas E
Companies: Toyota Ltd
Author(s): Darren M. Allen and Arthur Hirsch
Section: METRO
Publication title: The Sun. Baltimore, Md.: Jun 7, 1993. pg. 1.B
Source type: Newspaper
ISSN: 19308965
ProQuest document ID: 112442412
Text Word Count 1056
Document URL: http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=112442412&Fmt=3&clientId=75553&RQT=309&VName=PQD

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thank You Zipporah

Yesterday I was very irritated with some things going on in my life. Struggle, Hurt, Pain, Fear these things are definitely not new to me. There are times I feel as though I will never be free of those things; like they will forever hold me captive. I then begin to think all the things God has placed inside of me, the gifts, his trust, and his belief that I can achieve all that he desires from me. I recognize that all I have been through was training and preparation for this time in my life right now. I was made for such a time as this!! In the thick of my funky mood I opened a journal I keep, that's more like a multitask notebook than journal; out fell a folded letter from a dear friend who is now past, that I have been saving for over 17 years. I felt ridiculous that I had been stewing all day over things God has already brought me through!! Reading the letter tears welled up in my eyes and I felt ashamed that I have been the only thing holding myself back. Remembering the friendship and support that we shared I felt empowered to begin again today brand new with a better outlook, sense of self and belief in my abilities to accomplish and achieve anything. With renewed energy I am attacking my goals determined to not be broken down or held back from the very things seeking to destroy my power, take away my gifts, devour my soul and swallow me into nothingness.

Zipporah I have so much Love for you and I thank you for being prolific and translating the things God shared with you about me to me. Well ahead of your time, I couldn't grasp the enormity of your words, support and strength then but I understand now and I'm so grateful!! I MISS YOU TREMENDOUSLY!! I'm almost there!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2IfoTTbCRM


Zipporah wrote this and gave it to me about 4 years before she was murdered. She would often say she was going to die young and that she would miss me. I would always tell her to stop talking like that. That she had many years left and that we would be friends even when we were grown. Despite her prediction or intuition she never allowed that or any other struggle she was going through keep her spirit down. It was very rare that I saw her troubled, and without a smile on her face. I can still see her beautiful smile.

Her letter says:

Think of you as my sister. I never told you that I thought of you that way because you already had 4 sisters and two best friends, so I thought you already had enough. Ricky and Tony said you were my only friend and to me you are my only real friend I can talk to and trust and I thank you for being a friend. And if you need anything just ask and I'll do what I can for you. I rally do love you like a sister. I will miss you when I'm gone.

Love me not you (sike)

Zipporah

Zipporah's Letter

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

For Cheyenne

Flooded by memories the tears begin to flow increasing the depth of pain that I must wade. Like lightning illuminating the sky, flashes of shared times lead me to the shore. Exhausted from the fight to keep from drowning in the pool of sadness that formed, I fall to the ground searching for peace as I drift to sleep. I wake up pretending to not remember the news I received, praying that it was all a dream. Getting up to face the day, I try to remember more tears will only chase you away. Walking outside I see that it's your smile that brightens the day.

Dreamin

I Dreamt of you again, each one always around the same time; early morning, perhaps your just awakening thinking of me, praying for me, picturing me lying next to you, recalling good morning greetings, as I have done. Seems like you never existed, then the memories live, breathing life into you, your heart beating to each moment you're remembered. I touched you, kissed you, I know you are real. Will we ever say goodbye? Each have had a turn running from the other. Must we continue unfinished?

Thoughts I Want To Share

Floating with the clouds, I look down at the earth knowing that everything I want is laying there waiting for me to claim it. So close my fingertips brush it, far enough away that I can't grasp it. I don't get my way, my frustration, anger and disappointment create the recipe for a storm. Lightning, thunder, strong winds and I drop to the ground with the rain. My view isn't as clear and I revert to earthly ways, full of fear. The sun peeks through and whispers that's not who you are or who you want to be. The warmth from the rays reach out to me and I regain the strength to keep striving towards my goal. To be who God has chosen me to be. Trapped inside beating on my enclosure to be released, screaming, why can't I be me? Everyday I go on following the same routine, waiting to be free.

A Mistake

A mistake is how I am described. That's good, little by little the Lord is opening my eyes. You are not interested in the way that I shine, so you throw me away for the sparkle of another kind. Left on the ground for another to find, you move to the next thing that caught your eye, then you see that I am what you and others search for, a rare Jewell comparable to none, the mistake was made in throwing me away.

Renewed

Can you look at me through eyes renewed?, Will you touch me with a different view?, Do you want to show me what Love can do?

Unashamed

Show your beauty unashamed

Wildflower it's time to bloom

Growth is the name of life

The pain your soil, the tears your water

Wildflower it's time to bloom

Spread your petals, sharing your smile

The pain your soil, the tears your water

Right back at the sun you shine

Spread your petals, sharing your smile

Others are envious, you have what they think they want

Right back at the sun you shine

The soil uncomfortable, the water salty

Others are envious, you have what they think they want

Growth is the name of life

The soil uncomfortable, the water salty

Show your beauty unashamed

Let's Go To Paradise

Warning ~ Only For The Grown And Sexy

Sweep me away with the strength of your arms, lead me to destinations I've never been, rub my softness while you kiss my neck starting the warmth you'll envelop yourself in; I'll caress you feeling you grow hard, take your hand and feel my body while I kiss your lips and taste your desire, let your tongue play on my nipples then suck them, making me moan, lift my hips and position your dick over my clit, gently grind then slide inside; I'll wrap my legs around you, grab my soft ass firmly and move in and out; the anticipation of each motion making our hearts beat a little faster, knowing that the feeling will improve and exceed the one before, spiraling us to the stars, where we slowly come down, landing gently in paradise. Our explorations there will keep us occupied. Take my hand and walk with me together let's go

I Heard God Speak

July 24, 2006 my daughter Faith's 1st birthday, we set out for a day at the beach. We took a wrong turn and came upon a beach that looked nice and decided to stay anyway. We changed into our suits, got our beach tags, and walked to an open spot and spread our things out. My brother Sterling,two of my sons Dayequan and Troy went straight into the water. I had laid down to enjoy the warmth of the sun but got up when my daughter Serenity came back from the water, as we were talking I heard the lifeguard blow her whistle. Looking up I saw all the kids so dismissed the sound until I heard the sound becoming adamant. I looked up and the lifeguard was standing on the podium and pointing, looking in that direction I saw the boys getting close to the jetty but noticed their father close and figured that he would get after them. Turning back to play with Faith and Serenity but hearing the whistle again I looked up and saw the lifeguard in the water with her buoy and my heart began to beat a little stronger. I stood up to have a better view and saw MY son's head bob up and down next to the rocks. I saw his father trying to reach him and then the waves throw him into the rocks. Troy's head bobbed up and down again and I wanted to go to him but hesitant to leave the baby on the beach I paused. Then I heard God clearly say You go get your son, they won't be able to find him. I calmly said to Serenity, watch Faith for me I'll be right back. Ok I'll watch her, she responded. Knowing she would do just that I took off running down the beach and leaped the water like hurdles until I got caught by a wave and went down. When I reached the place where I had last seen Troy I looked around and saw no sign of him, I saw the lifeguard waving her arms and yelling frantically Where Is He, Where Is He? I began to Say Lord Help Me, Help Me Find My Son. Allowing him to lead me without question I began to climb the rocks and fell. Getting back up I kept going, the waves were coming stronger and knocked me down, determined I called on my God again, Lord help me find my son, while getting up. A few more steps and a huge wave smacked the glasses off my face and I was knocked down again. Refusing to let my son drown I stood up again and despite the loss of my glasses I saw clearly my son's arm rise above the water and I swear I could hear him calling out for help. Without hesitation I jumped off the rocks in his direction and reached for him expecting to lay hands on his body and shocked to feel nothing but the water. Earnestly I looked for him, I knew he was near. I prayed, God Please! A wave came and I saw Troy's leg floating, quickly I grabbed it and pulled him up out of the water. He was lifeless. I threw him on my shoulder as if he were a newborn baby, looking to the heaven I squeezed him tightly to get some water out, and hopefully get some air in and thanked God for leading me to him. Knowing Troy needed more help than I could provide, I turned around to go back to the shore and was met by two lifeguakrds who said Mamm, please let us have him. I handed him over and began yelling to God, You save my son, You save my son! I felt extreme thankfulness but could only yell my command at that moment. I got back to the shore and Dayequan was hysterical and wanted to come and see how his brother was doing some people that were holding him back asked if he could come over and I yelled yes but saw how distraught he was and yelled back only if he is calm. Sterling came instead and knelt down next to us. The lifeguards did not have a pulse but began CPR, I began to rub his leg and call to him Troy come on you can do it, come on Troy. The crowd that had gathered around picked up his name and began to root for him as well. After the first round they got a light pulse, continuing the CPR some foam came out of his nose but still he was not breathing, picking the CPR back up, more foam came from his nose and some from his mouth and Troy took a breath on his own and began to cough. Then he began a low moan that slowly turned into a yell, as if he were picking up where he left off crying for help. The beach erupted in cheers and clapping. I heard the lifeguard say oh my God mam are you ok? Confused I looked at him like what? He pointed to my leg then I looked down to see my legs covered in blood, but I didn't feel anything. Brushing it off I looked to make sure Troy was still breathing. After the lifeguards had strapped him to the board to carry him to the ambulance I allowed the lifeguard to take me to the side and patch me up a little. After the bandaging I went to check on my other children and found that people on the beach had stepped up and watched over Dayequan, Serenity, Devin, and Faith. I asked a young lady with Faith if she minded watching her for a little longer and started looking to see where Troy had been taken. A police officer walked up to me and asked was I the boy's mother and I answered yes, where did they take him? He said, to the ambulance up there. I told the officer that I had lost my glasses and could not see so he led me to the ambulance. On the ride to the hospital Troy was non responsive to touch or voice but I knew that he was through the worst part of it and was not worried. I felt so thankful for the mercy that God had shown to me and my family doubt that he was not going to recover never had the chance to enter in. The lifeguards estimated that Troy had been under the water from 3 to 5 minuets. The doctors were worried but I was not. They wanted to keep him for 3 to 4 days. We were discharged after 24 hours and my son walked out of the hospital on his own.

I'd like to express my Extreme Gratitude to the lifeguards on duty in the Borough of Spring Lake, NJ


ALYISSA DETALO- First in the water


ADAM SEXTON


SHIELA IRVING- CPR


JAMES WLADCH- CPR Assist


THANK YOU FOR HELPING TO SAVE MY SON'S LIFE!

I found this going through some papers and wanted to share this testament to God's Grace.

Troy drew this when he returned to daycare. If you look close you will see three figures under the water. I asked him if the middle one was an angel. His answer was no but he had no answer as to who the third figure was.

The words say:
On Monday I went to the Beach and I almost drowned and my mom saved me.


This is a drawing of the jetty. Where I climbed is the second level of rocks on the jetty. I climbed up from the right side, the arrow points to where I was knocked down repeatly and lost my glasses.

Dreams Of A Queen

In my dreams is where you stay, Next to you I want to lay, Eyes opening I know your not there. Spending time daydreaming about What Could Be, Praying that you can see I am the Queen you desire. Out of order for me to approach the King for he must know and want to fulfill his need. Until I receive the call to join him and receive a new crown, I wait and prepare to share his thrown. When the time arrives diamonds won't be needed adorn me in Amethysts and Sapphires, Jewels for this Jewell, and you can call me that when I dance for you. Allow me to satisfy your physical needs I'll help you reach your mental peak. Guide me around the kingdom we rule I'll show your people I have class and raise a school to teach and educate the youth what's true and that they are royalty too. I know what I feel and can't doubt what God has shown me, he's taught me to Love a King I've found worthy, who said he's not afraid but he keeps running, got me thinking he's willing to leave me behind. I can catch you I'm fast but I'm a sprinter, keep running and you'll find the loss was more than the cost. I won’t cheat you my treasure is not shared. I'll say it again cause I think you missed it. I'm not sure your willing to pay what it costs and I'm not talking dollars I'm Costley. To offset what’s paid, I come with a dowry, a wealth of intelligence and gifts to assist you and strength to hold you in my arms when your tired and feeling weak, my kisses filled with passion will cover your face, neck, chest and most private place. I'll massage away the daily strain, let you play with my charms until your drained. Sleep now my king when your with me there’s peace.

What Could Be

The King has found his Queen, only fear keeps us from claiming the crowns. I would care for your children no differently than my own, as you would care for mine. You would take care of us, teach us, show us love, help us grow, the pastor of our home. I think that we are both afraid to put that out there cause we are lovers walking thin lines on the strings we say arn't attached. Can I see myself caring for u the way a woman should...yes. Can I see you caring for me the way a man can...yes. Cooking for and with each other sharing the load of day to day activities. Building successful business', traveling the world, spending days showing our babies different things, closing our nights with passionate kisses and embraces. We could have all God promises to us, only fear keeps us from claiming them. What makes this conversation to deep?, when we both like to swim. A discussion doesn't mean that action has to be taken but possibly if the words are spoken out loud and acknowledged as truth than we might feel compelled to make it happen. You need not worry cause fear will keep us from doing anything that's talked about. Love cannot abide where fear resides.

Sonnet

Honey I called him with desire to taste the sweetness that flowed from his lips,
Loving expressions lifting me high above the tree tops.
Watching me with adoring eyes he spoke,
This is one of the best days of my existence,
Asking naught more from me than my presence.
He is capable of pleasing me but he will not.
The wise man I thought him to be plays hide and seek,
Chasing him makes me weak.
The seeds have grown they boast some strength of their own.
He cannot swim consequently in my love he drowned.
Through memories I live pretending my imaginings can sustain my breath,
Our plan cast off for one better suiting him,
As fall approached accordingly came our death.
On the silk pillow we lay, crippled from our play.

Prayer

Good Morning Lord, I Love you Lord. I Thank you Lord, for loving me and keeping safe guiding me through my own self destruction. I isolated myself went alone to the wilderness to test my strength or so I thought or like to tell it that way. You have been faithful and never left me. I have neglected you and I apologize. I’m running to catch up and walk by your side, instead of too many steps behind. Father, I lay at your feet everything that is not of you. Take it and complete my healing. The blessings you have given me in the form of my children are blossoming but there is one missing and I need him back home. You have said no and denied me so that I may grow and come to know that everything comes in its own time. Speak to all that are suffering and ease the hurt. Show all who you are, and that you are in control even when you have said no to your beloved. Holy Spirit you are welcome in my home. Make a place here; get comfortable, I don’t want you to leave. Bring the peace that is just out of reach. Father I am here singing to you, I give you all the praise and will continue to tell you, cry out to you. I know things will move and will push these impossible situations with the sound of my voice and the strength of my prayers. There is not one weapon formed against me that will prosper! Thank you for the surety of your word!